Telephone
by TrenchcoatsAreSexy
Summary: Cracky and fluffy. Andrea puts her foot down.


**Telephone**

"I'm telling you, in the series finale, Charlie and the Waitress are going to end up together."

"I don't know, Jesse. Charlie's a total stalker. I think he's going to finally move on and end up with Dee, or something," Andrea replied, putting her hands on either side of her coffee.

"You just want it to turn into some kind of romantic comedy or something," Jesse teased, "Where he finds what he's been missing all al…" He was interrupted by the sound of his phone vibrating in the pocket of his hoodie. With a groan, he reached in, took it out and gazed at the screen.

"Speaking of stalkers," Andrea commented dryly.

"He's just…" Jesse began, "He just gets… concerned."

"About what? We're out having coffee. Out together for the first time in a month! Does he think I'm going to abduct you or something?"

"He's just…" Jesse tapped out a quick reply and replaced his phone. "Sorry about that."

Andrea threw up her hands.

"That's it. We need to talk. I understand you guys are close. I get it. But I'm your girlfriend, Jesse. I'm tired of having to share you with him all the time."

"This is just how he gets…" Jesse tried to explain. "I mean, it's…"

"I'm giving you an intervention," Andrea cut him off. She picked up her napkin and pretended that it was a piece of paper. "When you are constantly at his beck-and-call, you make me feel second-best. And that's not okay. I'm tired of it. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I refuse to let him ruin it."

"But what can I do about it?" Jesse asked, staring down at his own coffee. This was going to turn out like Jane all over again. Being pulled in two directions, being told to leave Mr. White behind and split for good, which he wasn't sure he was ready to do. His loyalty would always get in the way.

"When you come up with an answer, let me know," Andrea retorted, she rose from her seat and reached into her pocket, tossing three wrinkled one-dollar bills in front of him.

"Huh?" Jesse inquired.

"That's your tip, Waitress," she replied coyly, before walking out the door.

* * *

><p>"Okay, so, uh… thank you all for joining me," Jesse declared, knotting his fingers together as he paced back and forth, "I wanted to call this meeting because we have to do something about this. I got this idea from watching <em>House <em>and I hope to God it actually works. Uh, you want to take it from here?" Jesse sat down in between Walt and Andrea and looked over at Saul, who had an expression of slight incredulity on his face.

"Sure, why not? Today, we are going to be establishing the custody agreement between you," he gestured to Walt, "And you, Miss Cantillo."

"Wait, hold on… a custody agreement?" Walt exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"I think it's a good idea," Andrea declared. "You can only contact Jesse on MY days if it is an absolute emergency. As in, somebody better be sick or dying. And vice versa."

"I propose, as your lawyer – all of your lawyers – something akin to a 60/40 split."

"60/40 split!" Andrea exclaimed. "I'm his girlfriend, though – can't Mr. White just get every other weekend or something?"

"Every other weekend – you must be out of your damned mind! Who do you think actually made that money to support you, anyway?" Walt fired back.

"Uh, Jesse! Not you!"

"Think again." Walt rose. "I'm not standing here fighting with some teenage girl." Andrea rolled her eyes.

"For your information. I'm twenty-two."

"Children!" Saul cut in. "Seriously. I'm getting too old for this crap. I think you too can find a way to responsibly decide who gets what day."

* * *

><p>"Hit."<p>

"Hit."

Andrea held out her hand, as if she was trying to project an aura on to her cards.

Finally, she ventured quietly, "Hit."

Walt's eye bugged out as she won the hand.

"The hell!" he snapped.

"Yeah?" she inquired, looking up. "That's Tuesday right there." She reached down to circle it in obnoxiously thick red marker.

"You're … cheating, or something!" Walt declared childishly.

"Why would I be cheating?" Andrea replied, batting her eyelashes innocently.

"You've won every single hand!"

Andrea clasped her fingers together as a smile curled across her face.

"My mom was a Blackjack dealer. Taught me how to play before she ran off to Vegas."

"That's not really fair to not disclose that…" Walt began.

"Hey, listen, if you've got any gambling winnings you need me to look at…" Saul cut in.

Andrea shook her head.

"Nah, I just play for fun." She winked. "And… occasionally for spite, I guess. Next hand?"

"Let's negotiate," Walt suggested.

"That's what I like to hear!" Andrea replied.

Saul and Jesse exchanged looks.

"It's going to be a long night, isn't it?" Saul asked.

"Hey… just be glad you're on the clock." Jesse pressed his head against Saul's desk as Walt and Andrea began to bicker about, if they split it halfway, who ought to get Jesse on which half of Sunday.


End file.
